The Bombay Brasserie- The #Hashtag Review

#Iwasinvited

This was then round 2 of our collaboration with Radio One wherein we go to restaurants with their DJs, their support staff and happily enough, their professional level photographer. The presence of a professional level photographer with professional level equipment and professional level attitude meant that we were not needed to, play in ridiculous ways, with the zoom option of our phone cameras, in our sometimes exasperating efforts to get a serviceable photo. This meant that we could focus on more imaginative ways to stuff our faces while thinking of rather smart metaphors and hashtags to describe the food.

#noteveryonewantstobeGujjarafterall

The restaurant, Bombay Brassiere, we were supposed to visit was seeing its second coming in Pune and it was in the very plush, but almost jinxed, Nitesh Hub which, as per rumors, is a place where some mall dreams go to die. The earlier rendition of Bombay B (henceforth shortened to Bombay B because I’m super excited saying Bombay (as compared to Mumbai) and much too shy to say Brasserie very often because of the mental images that the mispronunciation Brassieres transcribe) was remembered fondly as being in City Center, Dhole Patil. There, it was less a restaurant and more like an Osho type place, an International Marrination Resort if you will, for the cause of Tikkas of all creeds who wanted to find inner peace and purpose and for patrons who wanted to find Tikkas such as these so as to provide them their destined deliverance.

#meditationismarrinationinsomesense

This new rendition of Bombay B however, is a different beast altogether, and this is evident as soon as you walk into its lovely interiors with an ambiance that seems perfect for a high end Sunday brunch with its greens and whites and browns. Its airy appeal somehow makes me feel like this would be a very nice restaurant in a place where the sea was not very far away and it is somehow disappointing that the only view afforded through its lovely glassy shell are intrepid shoppers on the verge of not great decisions. In fact, the color palette reminded me of the Greek Island ‘Santorini’ to the extent that I had to go home and google out the name of that Island with the turquoise and white color palette and do a mental calculation of how much I’d need to vacation there. I do not honestly know if a restaurant pushing you towards a Greek Island holiday is a good thing or a bad thing.

#suchprettyrestaurantsneedbetterviews

Onward then, from the gorgeous ambience towards the food, and here you start off with being mostly confused. Confused, because you really don’t know what exactly this restaurant is about considering it does its own, very delicious take on Indian food. It’s a concept that provided an eye-rolling moment to us at the get go because “unique” takes on Indian food can get a little tedious. First up, I was secretly hoping that this was not going to be about Indian food with the theatrics of liquid nitrogen or molecular gastronomy coming out of its wazoo because I just wasn’t in the frame of mind to be putting up with those sort derring-dos, on that particular day. Instead, Bombay B had an almost Bambaiya approach (and I don’t think they know this yet) to Indian food which is that they’re not trying to Farzi-fy it or even get all Tvum-atic about it. Instead, they’re being superbly practical that they’re just in it to win it, on the grounds of taste, and everything else that they achieved was coincidental. The other thing highly Bambaiya about it is that they’re taking dishes from all over India and throwing them in this big cosmopolitan party that is their menu card with no particular regard or favouritism shown to any particular region and the result is not just a mere co-existence but a thriving that works entirely in the favor of the customer. Another thing, I particularly liked especially in the context of being a Bombayite is the almost Bollywood-y sense of humor this restaurant has, in the way all of the cocktails are handled in the sense that they’re served in these lovely almost flask like bottles immediately identifiable with every drunkard in every Bollywood movie ever. Their names too reflect this humor with the one that stands out the most being the Nagpuri Santra which in taste terms is pretty meh, but all is forgiven because of how good it looks and how filmy is the nostalgia it invokes.

#Bombayisastateofmindisnotacliche

Coming to the food, well what can I say, except perhaps that it was one of the most rewarding meals we have had in a long time, in the sense that almost all the food was consistently good with the highs being very high but the lows not really being all that low. The absolute highlights of the day were the very em-phallic Kashmiri Naan Kebab which is a mutton mince Seekh kebab that grew to gargantuan proportions and threatened to take over the city with its monster deliciousness. Mere succulence has been achieved by many seekh kebabs but what makes the Kashmiri bring it home is the fact that it is paired with a Naan and a walnut yoghurt dip that is not PG-13 in its intentions with regards to what it wants to do to your taste buds. Exceptional. The other highlight for me was something called the Mario’s Mango Prawns and Coconut Rice. Prawns, a goan style sea-food gravy combined in manners classic with rice and you would think this is a no-brainer but wait, this stuff is not as simple as that. Firstly, let’s talk about that coconut rice with its creamy, perfectly seasoned texture and the fact that eating it makes you feel that even if you became something of a mass murderer and got this as your last meal before society put you to the sword, it would not be a bad way to go. Now, couple that with that prawn gravy and you have on hands, a marriage, which you know through the smile on your face and the sigh in your chest, will survive the test of time in a time when marriages are folding faster than you can say “Alimony”. Partake of this, when you’ve been passed over for promotion or have been dumped by your lover for a life of celibacy or if you love this country and cannot live with the fact that we’re going ape shit about a movie. Do what you have to, but partake of this.

#Highlightsbecausepeopledon’twanttoreadreallylongreviewsapparently

The entire list of dishes that we had follows in a bit. Note that to sort of make it easier and to indicate how good the food is we’ve given it a rating on 10. Here then is the list of stuff we had that day:

Food:

11.       The 6 Chutney Papad Tokri   7/10

22.       Naga Ghost Pepper Wings     5/10

33.       Calcutta Club Fish Fry          7/10

44.       Kashmiri Naan Kebab           9.5/10

55.       Rajputana Sola Kebab           8.5/10

66.       Galawati Kebab                      8/10

77.       Lucknowi Paraath Paneer    7.5/10

88.       Mario’s Mango Prawns and Coconut Rice    10/10

99.       Dum Ke Kali Dal                    8/10

110.   Bombay Dabba Ghost          8/10                

111.   An assortment of Naans                     8.5/10

112.   Amritsari Kulfa                       8/10

113.   Anglo-Indian Bread Pudding  7/10

#Damnthat’salotoffood

As you can see from the scorecard, the Naga Ghost Pepper Wings scores low, but understand this that the chicken itself is not bad in how it tasted. In fact, had it been represented by any other name, it would have scored a 7/10. Its failure lies in the fact that the chicken was not burn-a-hole-in-your-throat spicy which meant that it did not bring to the forefront, the Bhoot Jholokia. This watering down of the spice from that bastard of a pepper (which I personally hate because it is so all consuming) seems like a betrayal. Almost like that 15 lakhs in every account claim. Almost like that Acche Din claim. Damn it.

#BhootJholokiaBetrayalscannotbeforgivenlikesomeotherbetrayals

In conclusion, I’d say that Bombay Brasserie is THE restaurant to go to if you’re in the Koregaon Park area and craving very good Indian food especially if you have no religious compulsions about eating in the food court of a mall. 

#GotoMallWatchMovieMaybeThenSaunterIn